Changing Trains

As you can tell by now I'm hopping back and forth, I could just tell you what we're up to week by week but the story doesn't really mean anything without the background!! Let's flick to February 2011, I've now been writing again for 4 months. I have a song that I wrote years ago but never recorded, it's called "Feeling Great", the chorus is infectious and I always regretted not recording it. I've approached the song differently this time around, I'm wiser, more relaxed and full of ideas, I still haven't told anyone I'm writing again but since I now have 3 or 4 new songs I really like, I want to record them.

It's weird but I'm just waiting to wake up one day and be sick of writing but that day doesn't arrive. My phone is now full of songs and bits of songs and ideas, I tend to forget a melody as quick as I thought of it so I need a dictaphone on me at all times. Some nights I'll come up with 2 or 3 different ideas and record them on my phone, as soon as I leave the room I've forgotten them, I love when that happens because it means that when I listen back to them in the morning I can be very objective. Sometimes I listen back the next morning and hit delete straight away but when it's worth hanging on to I'm one very happy man. I think I've enough songs for a decent EP now but for me that's still not enough. You see my mentality has changed, I look at it this way, I'm not the worlds greatest guitarist, that's ok, I never wanted to be or never needed to be. I'm not the world's greatest vocalist, that too is ok, I never wanted to be or never needed to be so I knew my real challenge lay elsewhere. I want to write a real classic album, something that will affect people, something that will hit them straight away and leave it's mark for a long time. The only way I could do this was through the story telling and the melodies, if I can focus on that then it's a level playing field, all this comes from your mind, your imagination. If I'm going to take on this battle then this is where it'll be won or lost, I have to believe that I can go toe to toe with anyone in the world. You see no two people live the exact same lives, see or feel the same things so everyone's story is unique, therefore no one can write songs the way I can. I'm starting to believe I can do this, I'm starting to believe I can write a unique album from my perspective, in my own way and thanks to my melodies I can do it in a way that will stick with people, if the songs catch me then they'll catch others. I now have a lot of people encouraging me, I suppose if I was asked what makes me think can write a classic album? My answer at this point would be.... Simple, there's no one around me telling me I can't!!! 

Anyway, back to November 2010, how come this is the point in time when I decided I would write an album? It's simple.... but complicated.. Simple in the way that for the seven years previous my guitar just sat in my attic untouched. Don't get me wrong, I was well able to play the thing but my heart had gone out of it. I attempted to write my first song when I was nine, I couldn't play any instrument but I tried to come up with a melody and a story, looking back at that I can see what I'm doing now is probably the most natural thing I can possibly do. At 14 or 15 I began to learn to play guitar, a couple of friends of mine were excellent guitarists and they helped me a lot getting started. I took a few lessons with another friend who started playing the same time. I was living on a cloud and every day I'd learn something new, I'd play and play and find ways of making sounds, mainly teaching yourself is probably the best way to learn anything.

This mentality was the key to deciding to finally take on the daunting journey. I hadn't played for seven years, not since I left the band that had been a massive part of my life for Ten years. We began as a garage band, almost certainly the worst band in the world yet right from the start there was a connection, an understanding that we would stick together and we would write music. This would be our hobby that would lead to our passion, that would lead to our obsession. Eventually we got fairly decent, we played gigs, we recorded demo's, we won a band competition. Everything was going our way and it felt effortless, myself and Neil were the songwriters, Neil has been my best friend for 20 years and I still get the same buzz when I hear a new song he's written and I think it's vice-versa for him. A couple of years after we won the band competition we turned our focus to writing and recording a full studio album. I think I wrote four songs for that album but not too long after that I felt a change in me. It was the year after we released the album I decided to leave the band, not to pursue another musical avenue, no way, these were my boys, my team. I left the band because I no longer felt anything, I hated the sound of everything I played, cringed at every line I wrote and felt frustrated because I felt I couldn't communicate. It was like I was speaking a different language so the guitar was put in the attic and I moved on.

Years fly by and there's nothing you can do to stop them, Christmas was approaching and my Wife asked me if I would take my guitar down and play a few songs since we were going to have people over during the holidays. I was very reluctant, I wasn't even sure if I could play anymore. Well I wasn't long finding out, as soon as I felt the guitar in my hand again I knew my journey would pick up where it left off. I'd forgotten how much the tips of your fingers hurt when you play guitar for hours, it took a few weeks for them to toughen up a bit again. I thought I'd be starting from a point way behind where I was seven years ago but in fact the total opposite was true. In the intervening years I'd continued my passion for writing, I did an evening course in writing skills for journalism which was a massive help in learning how to structure a story, how to engage an audience and how to express yourself. This was the one area I'd excelled at in my school days and one of the main reasons why I felt I should be a really good songwriter.

I've realized one very important thing, as people get older, mainly in their 30's, they begin to move away from their passions. I know there's a number of reasons for this but a lot of the time it's because the ambitions and dreams they had earlier in life didn't come to pass so they've found a safe routine which means they don't have to set themselves up for that fall, they don't have to face failure. I think that was me, I was having a great life, no problems, no panic, no stress but I only had all that because I had no challenge, no purpose, no direction. Passion is an addictive thing and it should be embraced wherever possible but be aware that it does bring problems, panic and stress but wow does it make you feel alive. All you really need to follow that passion is courage and confidence and I found it in my 30's. This is why I believe, the older you get the more equipped you are to achieve your goals, your dreams. You have a far greater chance of succeeding on that journey you want to take, dreams don't go away you see, you can put them to the back of your mind and distract yourself but believe me, they never go away!!

So Yeah, I'm new to blogging and it's hard to know where to begin. I decided to write a blog as I countdown to a fairly significant event that's creeping up on me. The project I've embarked on will have taken nearly four years from start to finish and nerves are starting to grip me tighter every day. My project?? Well I decided I was going to write and record a full album, I imagine this is a common enough dream people have but taking it from the realm of fantasy to reality is a hell of a journey in itself.

Nearly four years in the making, that brings us back to November 2010 but in truth this is something that has been burning inside me since almost my very first thought. I realized from a very early age that music, and in particular, melodies and lyrics deeply affected me. Although life has brought me in many different directions, the desire, maybe the need to dedicate myself completely to this inward journey meant that sooner or later the opportunity would present itself, and from somewhere I would have to find the courage to walk the walk after way too much talking!!

We're nearly finished the recording of the album now, it's January 2014 and all that's left is the final vocals. I know this should be the most exciting part of the journey but to be honest it's the opposite. I've spent thousands of hours on this, trying to come up with new melodies, it's the melodies that give me the canvas, if I think of a melody that catches me in a certain way then I can write a story on that melody. The melodies are my foundation and although in a lot of songs, the melody is the only part you tend to remember, for me it's just a basic requirement, it's not a bonus. The melody immediately hits a nerve, if it doesn't I dump it and continue looking for a melody that makes me feel something. Once I have it, once I hit the nail on the head, there's a feeling inside that I find difficult to describe, it's pins and needles of the soul I suppose, there's no bluffing that feeling, I get it or I don't. Once I get it, I have my building block and away we go.

The next piece of the jigsaw is the story. I'll play the melody over and over and over again, in my head or on my phone or on my guitar for a few days. The melody gives me the mood of the story so now I know what kind of story I want to tell. I've been aware for a long time that I can articulate myself very well, I can tell a story, I can tell a joke, I can write a song but this is why I'm finding the current leg of the journey by far the most difficult. When you tell a joke or when you tell a story you're attempting to engage with people, you're reaching out, I suppose in one way you're setting yourself up for a fall. Now all I'm thinking is that this album is all written by me, people are going to know what goes on in my head, this is deeply personal and how do I deal with it if it all falls flat? How do you pick yourself up if no one listens to your story? How do you smile again if no one laughs at your joke? I'm safe in the studio, I'm in total control but now I have to let all that go and I understand that the moment is coming where I'm going to find out if I finally have that courage I was talking about. It's the courage to face whatever comes after this because it can only go one of two ways and both possibilities carry the potential to significantly impact on who I am.